Music...?

To think about it... I really don't have one exact favorite music genre. Dari kecil disuguhin berbagai macam bentuk musik (karena orang tua berharap aku bisa jadi musisi, atau setidaknya bisa main alat musik). Jazz, blues, klasik, rock, metal, punk. Dari Chopin sampai Metallica. Lagu anak-anakpun dulu juga diperdengarkan. Mungkin, di antara anak-anak tetangga--bahkan temen-temen di sekolah, yang punya koleksi kaset anak-anak paling lengkap ya cuma aku. Dari Sherina, Joshua Suherman, Tina Toon, Trio Kwek-Kwek, Enno Lerian dulu ada semua.

Ayah adalah fans musik rock, ayah suka QUEEN. Setiap ada kesempatan, dia suka mendengarkan lagu-lagu dari album mereka. Jadi, ya jangan kaget kalo sebenernya aku juga suka. It's just good, period.

Karena preferensi musikku ini agak berbeda dari orang-orang yang seumuran denganku aku jadi punya pertanyaan: kalo misal besok pasanganku nggak suka QUEEN, what would I do?

Aku nggak mungkin untuk nggak mendengarkan lagu-lagu lama seperti ini. Mungkin mendengarkan pake earphone adalah solusi, tapi sadarkah kalian kalau cara mendengarkan musik paling menyenangkan adalah dengan menggunakan speaker tanpa ada kabel bergelantungan di telinga--dan sekeras mungkin.

Walaupun aku pada akhirnya bukan seorang musisi atau bahkan bekerja di industri itu, tapi ya.. gimana ya.. it's a part of me, music. Can't really tell why but I grew up with it.

Update: Rambling (part 2)

I never thought this day would come. The day when the answers come. 

Baca : Rambling untuk tahu cerita sebelumnya.

Setengah tahun yang lalu, aku penasaran kenapa aku bisa merasa aneh waktu ketemu sama dia. Walaupun aku nggak mencari jawabannya (karena ada satu hal yang lebih penting dari itu), kemarin semacam diberi pencerahan. 

Kemarin aku ketemu dia lagi, nggak sengaja sama sekali. Jantungku masih aman dan jantungku nggak berdetak cepat--normal. Ini membuktikan kenapa jantungku berdetak cepat sebelumnya: aku naik tangga. 

Funny feelings? Kemarin nggak ada sama sekali. It was normal. Normal. Sangat normal. 

(I don't want to admit that I did go inside of the store again after I met him)

Tapi selain itu, semuanya normal. Jantungku berdetak normal, nggak ada ketawa cekikikan kayak orang gila, nggak ada rasa menyenangkan. Semuanya normal. Semacam hari-hari biasanya. 

Yang sebenernya aneh juga karena dulu udah kebiasa selama delapan tahun tiba-tiba menghilang perasaan itu. Tapi ya baguslah setidaknya sesuai dengan skenario. Tinggal skenario besarnya ini beneran akan dikabulin sama Tuhan apa nggak. Semoga aja iya. Amiin (?)

Yes, I moved on. 

Bye, Amybot.

There is a reason why I decide to post a blog. 

Akhirnya, setelah minta sama Ibu selama dua tahun lebih, setelah berjuang karena lemotnya laptop sebelumnya, dan setelah Ibu nyobain rasanya laptop yang lama, akhirnya ibu mengizinkan punya yang baru. 

Oh, yaampun hatiku. 

Sebenernya udah cari-cari dari minggu lalu. Tapi rasanya minggu lalu tuh nggak bisa nemu yang sabaik Amybot (laptop lama). Rasanya beda aja. Amybot adalah laptop paling alegan yang pernah aku lihat. Amybot itu manis banget eksteriornya. Dia punya detil-detil desain unyu yang mungkin orang lain nggak lihat di dia. Waktu pertama kali aku lihat dia, aku langsung pilih dia, kayak destiny. Aku bilang ke ibuku, "Pokoknya harus yang ini. Yang ini warnanya coklat, beda sama yang lain." Karena awalnya aku kira Amybot punya warna hitam (kayak kebanyakan warna laptop lain), tapi setelah dilihat-lihat ternuaya warnanya coklat tua yang memang nyaris hitam. 

Dan waktu nyari yang baru ini, kupikir aku bakalan punya ketertarikan yang sama, tapi ternyata enggak. Susah juga cari laptop sekarang. Bukan karena spesifikasinya yang beragam dan sesuai kebutuhan, karena nggak ada yang punya ketertarikan itu. 

Akhirnya butuh seminggu buat akhirnya dapet yang kayaknya baik. Jadilah aku beli si Tanpa Nama. Belum tau mau namain dia apa, karena nama Amybot itu sudah bagus banget dan aku nggak mau namain yang baru mirip-mirip dia. 

Terus gimana kabar Amybot nanti? Dia aku kasih ke ibu, biar buat seneng-seneng ibu, Jadi kalo aku kangen Amybot, masih bisa reunian. 

Pet peeves

Hi!

It's been awhile, yes, I know, it's because my laptop is throwing tantrums at and behaving so I can't really having my happy time surfing the internet with it.

Talking about pet peeves.... Actually I am not the kind of person will talk very bluntly, if I don't like something I'd rather stay quiet. It really is annoying sometime but I tried to hold it in until... now. Now I want to tell you my pet peeves because it's getting harder each day since people don't know that I actually find it annoying and still doing it because I don't tell them. I need to talk about it somewhere so I'd rather write it down here instead of talking about it to them and having the relationship broke.

I don't know where to start.....

I find it annoying when a girl can't stand on their own, specially to the girls who think that their boyfriends are their worlds and their boyfriends have to be there for them. I mean, come on, you can do it. Why do you have to call your boyfriend and whinny when you're sick to your boyfriend, it is very annoying. Also when the girlfriend wants to meet the boyfriend on every holiday (everytime when it's not workdays). Like, WHY? Why you have to meet him everyday? Every single holiday? You just met him yesterday and why today you come to see him again? Don't you have life? Don't you have somwthing better to do on your own?

I also find it annoying when someone borrow my phone and playing it like their own, cheking my instagram feed, my gallery, and playing games in it without me saying "Sure, go ahead." Well, I wouldn't reject it if you say so, if I do, that means if it's not my phone is dying then it's my internet plan is almost over.

Have you ever fo a friend's post something like, "I'm faking my smile today."? Yes, that's one of my pet peeves too. I mean, why would you telling the world that you were just faking your smile? You put your fake smile so you hide your actual condition right, you wanted to look happy in front of them, correct? Then why are you telling people that you're just faking it. That is so pointless. Are you trying to get attention so bad? Ugh, very annoying,

I know that it's me getting older and I need to find a job but I find it very annoying when people asking me about my graduation. It's coming okay. It's coming, I will graduate, but it's not as easy as you think people. Well, if you do found it very easy to graduate then try it to be in my shoes when you lack of creative ideas for research. It's not that easy. When this talk's done there is something that follow, "Graduate and then get married." This is pretty annoying, very annoying. Why are you urging me to get married anyway? Because girls are supposed to follow their husbands around? Nope, I don't want to be completely like that. Like I said on my first pet peeves, I find it annoying when girls can't stand up on their own. I want to stand up on my own too. So don't ask me to settle down yet, I need to do something more important to that,

Did you ever find in your instagram feed where somebody posted a beautiful photo they took but it tagged to a location that is not the actual location of the photo taken. Like why you have to lie to other people of you whereabout? If you don't wantthem to know, just don't put the location tagging. It's as simple as that.

Well, those are some of my pet peeves. I think I have more but I can't really think of anything else.

So, what's your pet peeves?

rambling

What happened yesterday was like a hit to me. Too many things came to my mind. And somehow, I came to a conclusion.

I was being so stupid for this past eight years. I was just being too delusional and spoiled myself with bullshit. I let myself to be consumed by unrealistic imagination where I would be—in the end—going to be with him.

In the past eight years, what did I do? Just staying there where he spread his wings, flew here and there and now he’s ready to spread his wings even more wider to fly even more further away. It’s like I was living in a cave but doing my things but still waiting for him who went for a hunt in the jungle. Well, not exactly like that but let’s just think that way.

I always wait for him. Always, for eight years. Even though I started to like someone else I just couldn’t get away from him. It’s always him, coming around.

Yesterday I met him, again. Although I knew he would be there but I rejected that thought thinking that it was still in the holiday and he would be somewhere else. But I did meet him, on the stairs on the way to the second floor of his department building. I wasn’t going to meet him but I was going to meet my other friend who was about to have one step closer to graduation.

That moment I met him and he said my name and he asked me where I was going and smiled, my heart raced and my body felt funny. I couldn’t stop giggling, I couldn’t help myself to smile to myself. I couldn’t help to feel funny when he smiled but I didn’t smile at all because I was very surprised, I should’ve smiled to him since I smiled widely to the other friend I know that study there too and met him in the parking lot.

At home I began to think about that moment all over again. I began to analyze why my heart raced and why I had funny feeling inside me also why after all this time I just couldn’t let myself act normal to him.

I remember when I was conversing with my friend she commented that I just probably just like him as a fan (funny thing when he is not an idol but I idolize him but I don’t idolize him though?), she thought that is why I still like him after all this time. From her comment, I began to think of the person I liked before. I immediately thought of Mikey Way, after all this time and after all he did, I still think that he is hot, but not the same feeling I had for him before. And I was thinking about G-Dragon, but my feeling changed too. So, I didn’t agree with her but I am not taking this possibility in to the trash bin.

And my other friend said because I sincerely love him. I laughed it off and said that I don’t know love so I would definitely throw this possibility away.

But why did my heart race that day? I was thinking because I have feelings for him. But then I realized, we met on the second floor and it was holiday—school hasn’t started yet and it’s the third week of the holiday. Do you notice something? Yes, because climbing up the stairs became like an exercise. I hadn’t move my body since holiday started (if walking to the bathroom and kitchen don’t count), and then I had to climb the stairs to the second floor. Of course, my heart would race, it supposed to be that way.

My heart raced because I climbed the stairs not because of his smile.

My heart beats for me to live, not because of him.

I still have not figured out how my body felt funny and why I couldn’t stop giggling and everything but I will, it’s the matter of time. I just lack of knowledge to answer that. I just need more experience and more life to answer that.

It’s just the matter of time.

And it’s not like because I like him since I was young.

No, although I don’t what this feeling is but it is not love (yet).

I should keep away this thought that generalize love.

Because, now I know it is not.